


The Abyss At The Bottom Of The Bridge

by Bored_trash



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Confessions, Death, Depression, Heavy Angst, I'm Sorry, M/M, Sad, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-02-24
Packaged: 2019-03-23 13:56:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13789146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bored_trash/pseuds/Bored_trash
Summary: The saddest thing is realising that sometimes, no matter what you do, you cant help people who don't want to be helped. For all of my life up until this moment, I would've argued that anybody can be saved. But now that I'm stood on a bridge, leaning over the railings and yelling to Yamaguchi, who's stood on one of the structure's extending ledges, teetering dangerously as the wind whips at his thin jacket, I'm beginning to think that it's true.-Tsukishima receives a text from Yamaguchi in the middle of the night, and knows something's very, very wrong.





	The Abyss At The Bottom Of The Bridge

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning: suicide, suicidal thoughts, depression. Please don't read if this could make you hurt yourself. 
> 
> If you feel like you might hurt yourself, call the Samaritans at 116 123 (uk).
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Haikyuu!!

The saddest thing is realising that sometimes, no matter what you do, you cant help people who don't want to be helped. For all of my life up until this moment, I would've argued that anybody can be saved. But now that I'm stood on a bridge, leaning over the railings and yelling to Yamaguchi, who's stood on one of the structure's extending ledges, teetering dangerously as the wind whips at his thin jacket, I'm beginning to think that it's true. 

I don't know how, but I knew he would be here. I was woken at two in the morning to a text from him, saying, 'I love you, and I'm sorry.', and knew he was going to try to end his life. I jumped out of bed and ran, my feet pounding loudly against the concrete of the pavement, a harsh sound that roused nobody, a grating sound to match this world that doesn't care. I wasn't even thinking, but my legs took me to the bridge, and there he was. 

I caught him just as he finished walking to the edge of the structure, and ran up to the railing. 

"Yamaguchi!" I yelled, and he turned suddenly, and almost fell right then and there. This is when I realised that he truly wants to end his life. Because in hat moment, when he almost lost his balance and fell onto the rocks below, he didn't look scared, or sad, or even angry. His face was scarily neutral. I felt the memory burn into my mind, implanting itself right at the forefront. I know it's going to stay there for the rest of my life, no matter what the outcome of this is, no matter how much I try to prise the cursed image away from my conscious. 

And this is where I am now. Stood, uselessly, at the railings of this stupid bridge. And Yamaguchi's looking at me like he doesn't even recognise me, his face void of emotion. Then it hits me. Yamaguchi could die - he probably will, the way this is going so far.

"What are you doing here, Tsukki?" He asks, voice toneless and so not him. The fond nickname sounds alien all of a sudden. 

"What are you doing here?" I shout, obnoxiously loudly so my voice can be heard over the wind. 

He smiles then, and he doesn't look neutral anymore. He looks so fucking sad, like he's woken up to find that all the colour's been drained out of his life, and all he's left with is multitudes on multitudes of grey. 

"What does it look like?" 

I know he's not kidding around. He has no qualms killing himself even if I'm stood right here. And this thought makes me so furious, and I'm just thinking, 'who gave you the right to die? Who gave you the right to break my heart like this?' Anger seeps through all of my system, adrenaline tagging along, and this force makes me think, 'fuck it', and suddenly I'm climbing over the railings and I'm stood on the ledge too, staring down into the abyss, praying it doesn't stare back and call my name. 

Now Yamaguchi looks worried. "Tsukki, get back on the bridge!" He shouts, voice cracking, finally showing emotion. 

"I'm not getting back on until you get back on!" I reply, and a dam breaks inside me and all the anger seeps away, and I'm left with nothing but fear and sorrow, and tears streaming down my face, dropping into the lake below. 

"You can't do this, Tsukki! Please just let me go." He says, quietly this time.

"No, I'm not letting you die here. You have so much left to live for!" I respond, and I see his eyes flash with something that looks like hope.

"Okay. Fine, I'll get off. But you have to first. Call an ambulance. Once you hang up, I'll be back on the bridge. I promise."

He looks so genuine when he says this that I can't help but believe him, and I nod once, before turning back and climbing back over the railing to safety. 

I turn around to look at him, and realise my mistake. Just as I'm getting out my phone, fingers poised on the emergency button, Yamaguchi smiles, and lets himself fall sideways into the direction of the wind, his body leaning into it like he's about to fall onto a sofa, not to his death.

"Yamaguchi!" I yell, but it's too late. I watch as his slim form topples over the edge, and get one final glimpse of his face. He looks terrified. Fumbling and sobbing, I ring the emergency services, knowing deep down that it's too late. 

They arrive quickly, and some paramedics walk carefully down the steep hill to the side of the bridge, down to where Yamaguchi fell. They come back up with him on a stretcher, but I know it's too late. He's gone, or almost gone, his final links to life nothing but a precariously thin thread, just about ready to snap.

Regardless of this, I travel with him in the ambulance, hoping even though I know it's hopeless, praying that he'll somehow be okay, because I love him so much. But after a few minutes, his faint heartbeat stops, and even though they try their best to revive him, it doesn't work. We finally get to the hospital, where he's pronounced dead on arrival, and the doctors try to usher me away from him. 

But I can't let go. I grab uselessly at the stretcher he's lying on, screaming at the top of my lungs, begging him not to go, telling him I love him, a confession that I always thought one day I'd be brave enough to say, but never was, not when he was alive, at least. 

I thought we had thousands of days. But we didn't. I thought he'd live longer than me, but he didn't. These thoughts keep me up at night, and they never cease. But even more frequently than these thoughts, the image that keeps cropping up in my mind is of his terrified face as he fell off the ledge of the bridge, into the abyss. In that moment, I know he didn't want to die; I'd been stupid enough to turn my back on him at the worst possible moment. This revelation is a constant plague to my consciousness, and it never goes away.

And the thing is, I don't think I can live with it.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry


End file.
